23 September 2011


I like social networks... to some extent. I have a facebook page and I use Twitter regularly. I've even gone as far as linking the accounts so I don't have to post the same messages twice. However, there are some things that I either don't like, or I just don't understand. Here are a few:

Facebook Groups - I.e. Forcing me into a non-consensual online relationship.

Pretty much everything on Facebook requires your permission. "Do you want to accept this random person you've never met as your friend?" "Are you sure you want us to e-mail you every time that one friend with a trigger-happy-itchy-mouse-clicker-finger hits the "like" button on every one of your 1000 photos?" etc. etc.

Then,why, for the love of Leisure Suit Larry, can your friends add you to a group without your permission?!

If I was truly interested in voting for Suzie Whatshername as Miss SmallTownInTheMiddleOfTheDesert 2011, I'd join the group willingly. But since I have no interest whatsoever in doing that, especially since I have no clue who that is, I don't want to join your group and have my inbox flooded with notifications! If you're reading this and are my friend on Facebook, don't add me to your group. If you think I might be interested, e-mail me the link and I'll check it out myself. Otherwise, we can't be friends anymore... :p

Why don't you follow me?

Please don't ask me this on Twitter. I only follow people that I've had the pleasure of hanging out with several times, or people who can entertain me with news, funny stories, etc. I follow a few celebs and musicians too, because it saves me the money of having to buy magazines to find out what's happening in the showbiz world. If I don't know you personally, and you don't fit the above criteria, I'm not going to follow you, no matter how many DM's you send me asking to. I don't expect you to follow me either, by the way; but thanks for doing so. It's nice to know that someone finds me interesting, because I'm really quite average.

I just LOL'd at this.

I seldom Laugh Out Loud  at anything I read on social networks, and if I do, I tend to write "Haha!", because that is generally the sound coming out of my mouth. I get annoyed when people constantly write things like "LOL" and "WTF", when it is clear that they're not actually doing or saying it. Get real, people. You have at least 140 characters; be creative! You can do better than using WTF for every other post.

This especially applies to randomly using FFS and FTW out of context. Eg. "What a bad day. FFS". How many people actually speak this way? If you do, you sound like an A-hole and should read more books.


The term "troll" is often used to describe people with extremely limited IQ's plaguing message boards with nonsensical and utterly rude comments that actually have no relation to the content displayed on the site. Trolls make use of a primitive form of English, only developed in the past few years. It severely lacks vowels
and words are often shortened to such an extent that they could mean up to 15 different full-length words.

I am happy to accept the use of "U" instead of "you" and "2" instead of "two", "to" or "too" (Yes, kids; these are all different words with different meanings. Stay in school and eat your vegetables), but when your facebook status eventually looks like an Eastern European language written upside-down and regurgitated by a cat with an upset stomach, you should really consider reading through your high school English textbooks, or just jumping in a lake with concrete boots. Either way, don't be a troll.

I'm sure I sound very cynical, which I am, but I think this could be quite an entertaining post. I'm going to post the link to this blog on Facebook and Twitter too, just for LOLz!


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